


The All-New All-Different Captain America

by seven77



Category: Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4061248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seven77/pseuds/seven77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and MJ co-optively become the new Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The All-New All-Different Captain America

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this tumblr post: http://imaginepetermj.tumblr.com/post/90185079663/imagine-petermj-where-mj-stands-on-peters  
> "imagine petermj where mj stands on peter’s shoulders and they put on a giant captain america costume"

It started with a joke.

“Hey Pete,” MJ had said.  “Get a load of this.” She was leading her husband through a thrift shop that was mostly filled with what looked like the contents of a time capsule that had been buried sometime in the early fifties. Why she was doing this, Peter wasn’t sure.  He thought it had something to do with some kind of photoshoot or something but Peter didn’t really know.  Anyway, there on one of the racks in the back of the store was a very old, very _large_ Captain America costume.

Peter nearly choked on his laughter when he saw it. “Wow,” he said. “I bet we could both fit in that.”  MJ laughed. And Peter laughed.  And then they looked at each other.

Five minutes later the couple was crammed in a single stall in the ladies room trying to fit themselves into the costume.

“No, no, your head goes here, Peter,” MJ said, shoving Peter’s face between her thighs.

“Ouch,” Peter complained.  “Okay, okay, but your arms have to be down there.”

“Yup,” said MJ.  “Okay, I think we got it.  Now, hang on, I’m gonna put my hair up and then hand me the helmet.”

Peter and MJ stood in front of the mirror at the sink and evaluated their hard work. Or, MJ did, Peter couldn’t see a damn thing, but based on MJ’s reaction, it probably looked pretty silly, because she couldn’t seem to stop laughing.  

“Oh my god,” MJ said, gasping for breath. “This is amazing.”

“This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to us,” Peter agreed.  “I mean, besides when we got married.”

“Truely,” MJ agreed. She paused.  “Hey,” she said.  “Let’s buy it.”

“How much is it?” Peter asked.

MJ looked at the price tag.  “Fifteen bucks!  It’s a steal!”

“Hm,” said Peter. “Well, Jonah just paid me this morning, so we should have just enough!”

“Tiger,” said MJ.  “We just hit the jackpot.  Again.”

Later that night, they got the costume on again and did a little bit a role playing in the bedroom.

“Bam bam bam!” MJ yelled. “Take that, Nazis!”  Peter jumped up and down on the bed and flipped the around in the air.  Then he punched at imaginary villains

“We get ‘em?” he asked.

“We sure did,” MJ said in a deep voice.  “Another bed is safe thanks to the American spirit.”

Peter laughed. “Wow you actually sound a lot like Cap.”  

“Well, I am an actress,” MJ reminded him.

“You are,” Peter agreed.  “The best actress ever.  You know, I bet we could fool at least someone with this.  Someone not very bright, like maybe Hulk or… I dunno, Flash Thompson?”

“Nah,” said MJ.  “Not even the Hulk would be dumb enough not to notice…”

“Yeah, Peter agreed.

But the next day…

“Hey, Hulk!” MJ shouted, as they marched toward the green Avenger.  They’d spent all morning making sure the costume was just right, padding Peter’s legs and arms so they appeared more muscular, putting makeup on MJ’s jaw so that it appeared squarer…It was a long way to go for a practical joke, but the risk of being Hulk-smashed if it wasn’t successful made it seem a lot more worth it. Now they were both holding their breath waiting to see if Hulk could spot the difference.

“What Cap want?” Hulk asked, turning around. Peter inwardly cheered.

“Just checking up on my buddy,” MJ responded.  Peter could hear the smile in her voice, even through the disguised pitch.

“Hulk hungry,” said Hulk.  “Hulk gonna go get a snack.” With that he turned and trudged away.  

Once he was gone Peter and MJ burst out laughing and congratulated each other.  After that, they were gonna go home, take the costume off probably for good, and go out for Chinese food, but then...Peter’s spider-sense tingled.

“What is it, Pete?” MJ asked, as Peter stiffened under her and turned around.

“Spider-sense,” Peter whispered.  “There’s danger nearby.  You see anything?”

“We’re in New York, Peter,” MJ responded. “There’s always danger nearby.  You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Are we next to a store?” Peter asked.  

“Yeah.”

“Anyone in there look shifty to you?”

MJ looked through the window. “Oh boy,” she said after a moment.  “I don’t often describe people as shifty, but I’d definitely make an exception for that guy waiting in line...I think he’s got a gun.”

“Crap,” Peter muttered.

“Peter, we have to do something,” said MJ.

“Okay,” said Peter.  “I’m gonna take you up to that roof, and then--”

“Peter, there’s no time.  We can do this,” MJ urged.

“I don’t know,” Peter said unsurely.  “It could put you in danger…”

“Peter, please,” MJ said.

“Okay,” Peter agreed slowly. “But if things start to go south, then--”

“Alright, enough yapping more slapping,” MJ interrupted.  “Giddyup!”

Fortunately walking into a store as Captain America is a lot different than walking into a store as Spider-Man.  When you walk into a store pretending that you’re Captain America, everyone immediately stops robbing the place.  Imagine that.  Peter learned a very important lesson that day:  Spider-Man can’t get no respect...but Captain America can.

“That was amazing!” MJ yelled excitedly when they were once again in the privacy of their apartment.

“I can’t believe all those people didn’t even suspect anything,” Peter said in awe.

“I can’t believe we were on the news!” said MJ, flipping through the channels on the tv.  “Captain America saves grocery store.  It’s even on the Daily Bugle!”

“I can’t believe that was so easy,” said Peter.

“Peter,” said MJ slowly.  “We gotta do that again.”

“No, no, no,” Peter shook his head. “No, once was enough.”

“Oh come on, Peter, don’t you want to be a superhero with me?” MJ pleaded. Peter raised his eyebrows.  “Um, I mean you know, a different superhero,” MJ added quickly.

“Nice save,” Peter snorted.  “Besides, I don’t think Cap will be too happy when he finds out what we did, and I don’t think we want to make Captain America angry.”

But right at that moment something the news anchor was saying on tv caught their attention.  “Captain America is dead.  Merely hours after saving a grocery store in Midtown, Manhattan from a thief, the Avenger was shot and killed in his home in the Avengers tower by an associate of said burglar. The suspect in question is being held--”

MJ turned off the tv.  Peter and MJ stared at each other in stunned silence.

“This is all my fault,” said Peter after a moment.

“No, Pete,” MJ disagreed.  “This is my fault.  I’m the one that made you do it.”

“We’re both to blame,” Peter compromised.

From that moment, Peter and MJ knew exactly what they had to do.  Thus they spent the next several weeks fighting crime as Captain America.  Taking out villains with the American spirit.  It was surprisingly easy for Peter to fight in the costume even with MJ on top of him.  He didn’t even need to see, as long as he could rely on his spider-sense to guide him. And MJ was such an amazing actress that none of the other Avengers ever noticed anything was up.  They were surprised to learn that Cap was alive, but given who Captain America was, no one was really _too_ surprised.

Then one day, Peter and MJ had just finished dealing with an alien invasion with the help of the Avengers and the Fantastic Four and were tired and exhausted but feeling good and heading home, when someone grabbed them and pulled them into an alleyway.  

It was Captain America.  

Peter and MJ started to beg for forgiveness, but then they realized that Cap was looking at them proudly.  

“Um, you’re not mad?” Peter asked.

“Spider-Man...Mary Jane…” said Cap.  “I couldn’t be happier that you two were able to fill my large shoes while I was gone. You see, Captain America is more than a person.  It’s a symbol.  A symbol of the American spirit.  What’s important isn’t that I am who I am, it’s that someone is who I am.  Do you you understand, kids?”

Peter and MJ nodded vaguely even though that didn’t make any sense to them.

“What I don’t understand…” said MJ slowly.  “Is that...you’re alive?”

Cap smiled.  “Are you really surprised?” he chuckled.

Peter and MJ shrugged.  No, they weren’t.

“Alright,” said Cap seriously.  “Now, you had your fun, but there can only be one Captain America.  Two, at max.  And Bucky already has dibs, so I’m gonna have to ask you to hand over the costume.”

“Right now?” Peter asked. “But...we’re naked underneath.”

“Yes,” said Cap. “I don’t know how you found my old costume, but I want it back...right now!”

“Yes sir!” Peter and MJ said together, and then scrambled out of the costume and shoved it into Cap’s hands. Cap held the costume up to his face and inhaled deeply.

“Ah,” he said.  “Smells like American spirit.”

Peter and MJ just stood there in front of him, trying to cover themselves up with their hands. Cap looked at them fondly.  

“Okay,” he said.  “You’re dismissed.”  

Peter and MJ exchanged glances, then they both saluted Captain America, Peter scooped MJ up in his arms and web-slung them home at high speed.  They jumped  through the window of their apartment, fell onto their Nazi-free bed and had the best sex ever god bless America.

 


End file.
